and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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