We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
