The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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