Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
