Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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