I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
