I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
