I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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