just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
