Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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