Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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