just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
