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• (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

  Fav 12 4229 1331

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• (409): View more from Texas

  You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's almost as awesome as vicodin.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you

  Fav 8 2725 958

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.

  Fav 2 1407 593

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.

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• (818): View more from California

  When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.

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