are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk