Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
