Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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