remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
two words...techno handjob
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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