When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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