its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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