hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
