I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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