How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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