I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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