I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
