I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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