Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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