Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
