Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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