It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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