I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
