does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
