you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
