also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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