o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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