im holly from the hills drunk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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