i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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