Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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