It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
