don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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