Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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