i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
