as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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