Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
