How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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