What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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