i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
