yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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