I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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