I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
