I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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