SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
