Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm passing your future prison.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
