Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
