Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
