JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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