I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
