textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
