It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
