you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
