Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
