I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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