I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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