Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
