so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
