HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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