There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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