I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
