And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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