Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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