Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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