we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
