Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
